Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
