I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
