i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
