I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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