I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize