Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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