Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize