Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
