You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just had sex bonerless
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
