i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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