my mouth tastes like poor choices
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
