she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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