Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
