Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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