my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
