I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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