It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
