Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
