I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
