ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
