Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
