She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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