the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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