Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
