no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
