its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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