I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
