Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
