I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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