Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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