Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize