I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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