weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
