I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
