There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
