there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
