She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am one with the molecules
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
