I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not ubering you a puppy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
