am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
