remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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