i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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