I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
