Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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