plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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