I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
