I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
