That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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