shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
