In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
