I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
