I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
