my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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