There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
