You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think my mom watched the whole time
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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