none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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