He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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