I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
