She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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