I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
