I wish I could teleport
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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