Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
