For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
