you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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