you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
