i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
