I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
