I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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