i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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